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Relationships

1 02, 2017

February 1st, 2017…new month, new day in a new year :)

Where did January go?!

February 1st, 2017…new month, new day in a new year.

How did January go for you? Was it everything you hoped it would be? Or did it knock you up side the head or pull the rug out from underneath you? Or somewhere in between? Mine completely knocked me for a loop.  Life can do that!

The morning of January 1st my father and I, and my family, sadly greeted the year with the passing of my dear mother. It’s been a whirlwind of a month, being the oldest daughter in the family and giving caregiving assistance to my father in the care of my mother – everything is different, except for the love and care in our family, it has grown deeper and stronger. Mom would have wanted it that way.

So, we pick up the broken pieces of our hearts – we remember the good times and memories with mom. We keep her love in our hearts. We come alongside my dad as he moves through life without his lifelong partner of 60 years, wow! That’s a long time <3 They stuck together through the good, the bad and the ugly, and believe me their was plenty of ugly.  They persevered, not always sure how they were going to make it through the winters of their relationship, but always remembering that spring and summer were just around the corner.  No matter how dark and bleak it seemed at the time – they hung on. For that I am so grateful!
As their teenage daughter, I was part of creating some of the UGLY they had to deal with in our lives and their marriage. Sorting it all out isn’t easy and [...]

21 11, 2016

Resilience Can Be Learned – Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Matters

Resilience – Are we ever in need of a HUGE dose of it about now.   The culture chaos all around us has so much to do with emotional intelligence (EQ), also known as Resilience.   

Researcher Daniel Goleman, in his groundbreaking brain and behavioral research shows a shift in how we see IQ and life success.

What is EQ, Resilience anyway?   Up until 2012, in my studies to become a Certified Life Coach, I had never heard the term before.   Was it ever eye opening and life changing to learn how much of a road block the lack of EQ (Emotional Intelligence), or Resilience can be in one’s life.

Emotional Intelligence includes self-awareness and impulse control, persistence, zeal or enthusiasm and self-motivation, empathy and social deftness or skillfulness, ability without difficulty.   The really good news is these all can be acquired.

In his book, Emotional Intelligence – Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Dr. Goleman points out that the qualities I just listed above mark people who excel in real life: “whose intimate relationships flourish, who are stars in the workplace.  These are the hallmarks of character and self-displine, of altruism or selflessness and compassion – basic capacities needed if our society is to thrive.”

Why is emotional intelligence, resilience so important for right now as well as success moving forward?   Well, to put it right out there, the personal costs of deficits in emotional intelligence or resilience can range from problems in marriage and parenting to poor physical health.   “New research shows that chronic anger and anxiety create as great a health risk as chain smoking.”  Lack of emotional intelligence, or resilience can sabotage the intellect and ruin careers.  “Perhaps the greatest toll is on children, for whom risks include [...]

19 11, 2016

Reset Button – Words Lift Up & Words Tear Down – Lead in LOVE

Come together, right now….we need to agree to disagree in some cases.  At the end of the day, we need to consider the children of the future.   Protecting them and their innocence.

We must lead in LOVE. 

LifeVictory is thematic – The theme LEADS in LOVE, everything else is elementary and follows.

WORDS fitly spoken can heal…it is time to heal.

Join me in sharing words that heal.  

Peace,

Deborah

 

3 07, 2016

Independence Day approaches…..

….as Independence Day approaches I want to encourage you to consider how interdependent you are to the people around you.  Even though we live in a world that prizes and exalts independence, we are so very intertwined and interdependent upon each other!   Even high performance CEOs, professionals or Olympic athletes have coaches and a team around them to journey along with them towards their journey to accomplish their goals.  Their is an innate need for interdependence and community.  

Independence Day in the United States of America is significant in gaining independence from Great Britian, just think if our ancestors, who weren’t perfect and made mistakes along the way, had not fought and joined together interdependently it’s truly a wonder where we would all be today?  On Independence Day we think of our history, we sing the national anthem or hear someone else with goosebumps running down our spine with pride.

With a son currently serving as a Sergeant in the United States Marine Corp I think about how truly interdependent he is with he unit – all for one and one for all.  No man left behind.  They would not be able to protect and rescue the weak if  they were not a strongly intertwined unit looking out for each other and their mission together.

I encourage you to surround yourself with people who encourage your individuality but don’t mistake that with independence.  You are a unique individual but you become even greater based on the people you surround yourself with and are interdependent and intertwined with.  Are they helping you reach your highest and best potential?

The most important intertwined and interdependent relationship you can have in this life is with Papa God, He loves you so much and knows you so well and wants only the [...]

7 05, 2016

A Mother Ponders Mother’s Day…………..

Solemn Birthday my Sweet Guinevere Rose!

You would have been 35 years old this Mother’s Day had we said YES to the LIFE you were meant to LIVE.

Had we said YES to you and run fully into the arms of Papa God for forgiveness, instead we chose to continue along the path of lies and deception, deceiving ourselves and all around us, who could have helped us choose LIFE for you. The path into darkness grew for more than 2 decades….impacting every aspect of our marriage, parenting and our lives. We ignored the LIFE, and her impact, of our first child we chose to snuff out.
By the grace of God our marriage survived, hanging on by a thread….that thread was Jesus! Even though the church, the body of Christ, was all around us no one ever talked about the need to heal from abortion. Oh, maybe a short conversion, placing a little bandaid over the wound. In fact, abortion was rarely talked about….it was one of those taboo subjects….”too political” and “too divisive”! Such little understanding of how GOD WEPT over the brokenness He saw in His own children who were too busy “playing church” rather than BEING His church….
Yet, in our silence so many wounded and broken souls walked in and out of the doors of the church without a word to open the door, even a crack, to God’s healing grace from the deep soul wound of abortion trauma. Yes, the wound is deep, permeating every nook and cranny of one’s life. The open festering wound oozing, with it’s infectious poison, into every aspect of a woman’s life *spirit-soul-body* UNTIL one day, Oh bright and glorious day, the light of Jesus [...]

3 05, 2016

April Showers Bring May Flowers right? What else does May bring?

May does certainly bring glorious flowering beauty, there is no doubt about that!

But for some, the arrival of Mother’s Day brings with it a very mixed bag of emotions!  I know, I was one of those women.  On occasions it creeps up on me unexpectedly, like yesterday!  

I just felt “off” emotionally and physical the last couple of days.   It was a bit confusing, trying to figure out if I might have eaten something that just didn’t set in my stomach very well?   Maybe I hadn’t drank enough water that day?   Maybe I was catching a flu bug of some kind?  I began to pray and ask God (maybe that’s where I should have started in the first place 😉 ?

I asked God what was going on with me?   He knows me better than anyone else and He always tells me the truth and is straight up with me, no matter what.   He wants the best for me, He loves me and I can always count on Him to give me the straight scoop!   He leads me beside still waters.   He restores my soul.   He’s walked me through the valley of the shadow of death and I fear no one or no thing.   

So, as I quietly asked, pondered and waited for His reply, in His still small voice, He answered me…”remember when….Guinevere Rose would have been born?  I have healed your broken, shattered and wounded soul, yet you still carry the scar.   I have restored your confusion, I have renewed your mind, I have created a new thing….all sin is forgiven and you have been set free from your self-made prison.  Yet, the memories you do not forget my child, not completely. [...]

2 02, 2016

February First….

Not only is today the First of February, it’s the First day of the 2nd month of the year 2016….so why does that matter anyway?  Not much really in the big scope of things….I just think that way sometimes 🙂

February is the month for romance – Valentine’s Day – Hearts – Flowers – Chocolate!   For some it can be a very difficult time if you’ve had, or are in the midst of relationship struggles.

At LifeVictory Coaching February’s about LOVE ~ LAUGHTER ~ LIBERTY!  

 

My favorite definition of what LOVE is comes from the greatest book on the planet.   LOVE is patient and kind.  LOVE is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  LOVE does not demand its own way.  LOVE is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.  LOVE is never glad about injustice but REJOICES when the TRUTH wins out.  LOVE never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.  LOVE will last forever.

I LOVE THAT!!!   I hope you will take that with you and refer back to it often – you get more of what you give.   GIVE LOVE, LIVE LOVE, BE LOVE!

 

 

 

 

OH!  And by the way, here’s some of the best and healthiest CHOCOLATE you’ll find!

 

 

Let’s just think…..

 

 

Setting aside any and all ideology, long held beliefs, preconceived notions.  Please, just think for a moment and ponder this week the possibilities of this picture.

What is going on in this little girl’s mind?   What is she thinking about as she presses her ear to her mommy’s growing belly?  It’s like she is giving a gentle hug to her sibling so safely protected in their mommy’s womb only millimeters of skin, flesh and tissue separate them from being able to touch skin-to-skin.  Such joy and anticipation!

The unknown world ahead.  The hopes and dreams for a future of possibilities, fear, apprehension can also be a part of this scene.  In God, we have a future and a hope!  We have a future and a hope!  With God, all things are POSSIBLE!  

Every human life starts with the framework of being designed, created and born in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27).  When we continue on the path of possibilities with God we abide and remain in his presence, uncorrupted by the world, like the innocence of a child in the womb.  Created for love and good works.  

How can the world say that precious life has no value to be protected, loved and nurtured.  Why are we not teaching our young women and men to love and believe the best?  We can create with God what we want to see in the earth, for love and good works.   Every human being is created to BE a POSSIBILITARIAN!  It’s in our true nature, it really is!

As we approach this coming week and reflect on where our world and it’s ideas, let’s think on, promote and do all we can to BE the Change God Wants To See in the World and Become that [...]

1 12, 2015

Ok, enough!…of your political rhetoric President Obama and Cecile Richards

For you to use your position to EXPLOIT, once ago, and ATTACK, innocent people for your own political gain in the wake of the most recent TRAGEDY in Colorado Springs!  Three people died, or did you miss that memo?

The man who did this was NOT PRO-LIFE, if he had been TRULY PRO-LIFE, he could have and would have NEVER done such a thing.

You see, President Obama and Cecile Richards, TRUE PRO-LIFERS offer hope, not false hope and falsehoods.   TRUE PRO-LIFERS believe that ALL human beings have value, NOT just the ones you choose to value or who can advance your political agenda and parrot your rhetoric and talking points.

LET’S GET REAL!

This tragic event took place in a location that BREEDS violence against women and children.   The spiritual atmosphere is death and violence, which breeds more death and violence!  Think about it?!

This tragic event took place at a legal abortion clinic – Planned Parenthood.  Planned Parenthood would like to add the words “safe” in their rhetoric.   However, the latest best available science does not prove that, but instead contests it.   They claim to care about women’s healthcare, yet continue to ignore the latest and best available science and worldwide research.

The most recently published reference guide, that should be used as a textbook, Complications – Abortions Impact on Women, compiles 650+ worldwide studies of the physical and psychological HARM of abortion on women.

This is NOT a political debate, it is a HUMAN LIFE issue, a broad scope women’s healthcare issue.

The latest and best available science is calling out Planned Parenthood, President Obama – drawing a line in the sand.   Stop the political rhetoric and start speaking the truth!   Stop lying [...]

7 11, 2015

Resilience…..another word for Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Resilience is your ability to bounce back in the midst of adversity and overcome the hurdles of life.  It measures your aptitude for social and emotional interactions and skills that are critical for life success.

Emotional and relational intelligence (ERQ) is being aware of, recognize and understand our own emotions – taking ownership of our own emotions.  As well as those of others around us, and being able to constructively manage our own emotions and how they relate to the relationships around us.

Did you know that ERQ has been found to be more important in the scope of life success than someone’s IQ?

I don’t know about you but that gives me hope.   You are born with your IQ, but your ERQ can be improved upon and changed – a skill to build upon.   That’s cool!

Self-Awareness (Me) is the first key – Emotional Self-Awareness, Emotional Expression, Accurate Self-Assessment build towards Self-Confidence.

Self-Management (I) is second – Emotional Self Control, Anger Management and Self-Responsible – in other words taking responsibility.

Relational Awareness (Us) is third – Relational Awareness has to do with Empathy towards others.  Noticing that someone is in pain.  Being present.  Knowing what “not” to say.  Recognizing emotions in others.

When it comes to Empathy, the secret is listening, not talking.   Learning to be a good listener builds your empathy towards others.

Relational Management (We) is fourth – It encompasses 7 simple steps of ERQ empowerment:

#1 – Define the issue:  Listen & Seek Understanding (Seek First to Understand before being Understood)

#2 – Decide how important the issue is?

#3 – Do you need to apologize or ask for forgiveness? I was wrong.  I am sorry.  Please forgive me.  This isn’t always easy if we haven’t had it [...]